The Damn Goats!

 
Buttercup & Rosie look so cute & peaceful lying on their house, but they're sneaky like that.  They lull us into a sense of false security as they wait to take advantage of any slip.  While they're not particularly smart, they are cunning, curious, & persistent.  They're also very athletic.  Their house is 4 feet tall, twice their height, but they jump up there constantly.  When they get into our back yard, they'll stand straight up on their hind legs to clean out the bird feeders, if they don't tear them down with their teeth.  They also tend to prune any plant that is least likely to survive it.  They're kind of a walking application of Murphy's Law on the world around them.

Why do we even have goats?  My wife, Marg, used to collect animals.  It was great for our children growing up with all sorts, but she strained our budget on too many occasions.  She's always hated goats for some reason, so every time she mentioned getting another animal, I threatened to get a goat.  It worked for decades, but eventually I had to put up or shut up.  Besides, I like goats.  They're ornery & fun.


I didn't just buy the first goat I could find, though.  They're social, so I wanted at least two fairly small, hornless ones.  (Yes, horns can be removed & I've seen it done several ways.  Sometimes it lasts, but I won't do it.  Google it if you have a hard heart & a strong stomach.)  I didn't care much about their sex, though.  Does would be great, but I can turn a buck into a wether.  The few bucks I've known were all too aggressive & smelled like a filthy urinal.

It was difficult to find the goats I wanted.  Most goats have horns & they're curious critters that stick their entire heads in places where they have no business.  Their nimble lips & sharp teeth cause enough problems without adding a set of sharp hooks into the mix.  Horns are like a level-up monster card.  They'll pull off boards or hang themselves up in fences.  Worse, they could stab or cut the horses as they wander under their bellies & between their legs which they do frequently.  Plain head butts hurt enough without them, too.

I finally found a gal nearby who had a Pymy buck & was given a Nubian doe.  He was 18" tall & she was twice his height, but lust found a way.  About 6 months later, she wound up with a pair of Kinder does for sale.  (A goat cycles every 3 weeks & it takes 5 months for gestation.)  Pygmies have horns & are used for both meat & milk, but Nubians are one of the hornless, dairy breeds.  Since horns follow the maternal line, Rosie & Buttercup were hornless & cheap.  Perfect!

My daughter wanted goat's milk, but that never happened.  I'm the only one who knows how to milk a goat or cow & I already get up at 4:30am.  I don't think I could handle getting up any earlier, especially on cold winter mornings.  My biggest fear was babies, though.  I'm not sure anything is cuter than a kid.  Selling or eating them after they've bounced their way into your heart is tough.  I could manage either, but I don't think the girls could for all that Marg says that the 'damn goats' are all mine.   She obviously likes them more than she lets on because she hasn't killed them yet.

Last weekend, one of the girls forgot to latch the gate into the grooming area & they slipped in to chew the leather up on all the whips.  Why?!!!  They don't eat meat or need the salt.  We have salt blocks all over, but that's typical behavior from them.  I thought we'd be eating goat for dinner, but Marg laughed about it.  I'm still waiting for the bill for new crops, though.  Goats are cheap to buy, but pretty expensive to keep.